CASE STUDY 1
It was late in the night Mr. and Mrs. Oyuma were fighting. Their marriage had been at cracks for long. Neighbors would hear them fight over and over again. This time it got nasty. Mr. Oyuma had been accused of selfishness and narcissism. I mean how bad self- centeredness can possibly be. But Mrs. Oyuma wasn’t taking it any longer. In her opinion, her husband’s job was to put his dirty legs on the table, leave his socks untidily on the floor for supreme to collect them, complain and read the newspaper.
To make it worse Mrs. Oyuma claimed that fifty shillings a day for the newspaper was the only expense the husband incurred yet he was a working man earning a decent living. That night Mrs. Oyuma called it quits – she gave him a suitcase to pack his belongings saying
“It is over, it is final. I cannot continue living as a single woman, yet I am married. Take your things and leave my house (she bought it). In fact, do not even sleep on this bed today (pointing at their couple king sized bed). I bought a bed recently – it has a mattress, you can make yourself comfortable on it”.
She said these as she threw some beddings to her husband. The husband pleaded and promised but his pleas fell on deaf ears. The only thing she said in the midst of his speech was
“When you are done talking you can go and sleep.”
As Mr. Oyuma was leaving the next day he was bid goodbye with the words – you can also forget about your seven-year-old son Jeremih Mutiso. The husband turns and makes a statement he often admires to when he is proud of the performance of his son – his name is Jeremih Mutiso Oyuma. Mrs. Oyuma says
“Oh, that will soon Change and so will mine.
That is how the union of Joseph Otieno Oyuma and Tabitha Munyalo ended. Despite talks and threats from the families of the two individuals Tabitha never got back with Joseph or allowed him to see his son. Tabitha changed her name, her son’s name, and school and made it totally impossible for Joseph to see his son. She took care of him with all the love and super security within her. She adopted the eyes of a hawk in taking care of her son. She gave him everything she ever imagined and all the boy could ever ask. Jeremih will pray the role of Mama’s boy in this script. He is 28 and very ready for marriage.
CASE STUDY 2
Janet was a young, beautiful first-year student in a big and renowned institution of higher learning. She met Reynold a charming, tall, dark and handsome man who gets his way with words. They began to talk as friends when he approached her at the University’s freedom corner as she was reading her Electronic Engineering book. With time they got closer as he whispered sweet empty nothings. From words, he went to caressing and before they knew it they were sharing a mattress.
They took it too fast without realizing the consequences of their actions. Then came morning sickness, constant headaches, and cramps similar to those experienced during menstruation which was accompanied by a missed period for 2 months. She decided to get tested when she began to constipate and fainted before her friends. They took her to hospital and the doctor says to her
“CONGRATULATIONS!!! You are pregnant.”
She sits down and begins to think about her life. She calls Reynold and breaks the news. On hearing this Reynold presses the end call button out of shock. Janet is comfortable with the relationship she has with her mother and therefore decides to break the news to her. Contrary to what you have concluded in your thoughts from the previous statement, her mother receives it with a lot of hostility. She tells her
“Anyone who was serious or careless enough to get a child can fend for herself.”
That took her by surprise. She did not expect that. Not from her mother. At this instance, Janet calls Reynold to tell him that she is doing away with the child. He is at least responsible enough to tell her
“The child is mine, I will take care of it.”
“But my mum says as long as I am carrying this child, I should fend for myself where do you want me to start?” She retaliates.
“I can take good care of both you and the child,” Reynold reassures her.
The call ends and she thinks to herself
“Do I really want to stay with Reynold?! NO!! I don’t think so. But what other option do I have… I know. I can go to Aunt Melissa’s place maybe she will accept to house me.”
She stays with her aunt until she is due. After a safe delivery, she decides she has kept the baby for too long and the father can do it on his own. The baby is an innocent girl who is named Angela Wairimu. The father goes have with her and before the mother departs she says to the father. “You said you are well able to take care of the girl; then do as you should.” The father takes care of the girl to the best of his ability. He gives her all he can in all the stages of her life. Angela will play the role of daddy’s girl in the script. She is 23 and now ready for marriage.
Somewhere along life, Jeremih meets Angela. You get an invitation for their wedding written Jeremih weds Angela. Now that we know their story do you think they are in an emotionally stable relationship if they don’t get to find a person they can emulate from their respective genders? NO!! In fact, they will not be the best role models to their children if they are not mentored properly. The Mama’s boy is not just the one brought up by a single mother- mama’s boy could also be the one who has issues with his father, even though they see each other daily. Daddy’s girl is not just the one brought up by a single father she could be the one who has issues with her father but is too close to her father.
Imagine mama’s boy meets daddy’s girl what a tragedy. They know what it is to be male or female (they lived with the opposite gender) but they cannot let go of their mother – for mama’s boy or cannot let go of their father- for daddy’s girl. These type of partners probably think they are self-important because they don’t know how to share as they probably never had siblings. I know things happen people get children out of wedlock, couples fight, divorce and separate, a parent dies and the other becomes a single parent. Many things happen and a child is forced to stay with one parent but I believe there will always be space to see the other parent. Set boundaries such agreeing when and where the other parent can see the child.
Introduce your child to the world he or she belongs to. If as his mother you live with your son despite the circumstances let a male role act as a father figure. I am not saying you look for a man to marry all I am saying is find a mentor – someone who will model what a man is like. If as her father you live with your daughter just the two of you allow a female to act as a mother not necessarily as your wife but as her mentor – someone who can model what a lady should be like.
But of training a child in the way they should go is being an example. If you cannot be an example because of any reason say for instance gender then provide someone who can give the example.
Do not make your child’s life tragic because you have a beef with your partner. Your beef is your beef live your child out of it. Your child has a right to see both parents and interact with them.
If you impregnate a girl man up and take responsibility. If as a girl you are impregnated take care of your children the mistake is yours, not the children’s.
You do not want your child ending up as mama’s boy or daddy’s girl. The devil wants you to let go of your child so that he may take over. He will ensure mama’s boy meets daddy’s girl so that an unhealthy union is formed and more marriages are breaking. So allow God to work as he should. Train up your child in God’s way and they will learn to honor you. One way of exasperating your children is abandoning them.